Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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