THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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