I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
