This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
did you just send me my own nude
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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