hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
