next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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