and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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