She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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