Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
