Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
