he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
