I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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