Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I didn't notice because vodka
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
