He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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