so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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