my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
