I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
They took my balls.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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