I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
