Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
