So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
