Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
