if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Randomize
