i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
