atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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