Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
