If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
