My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
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