im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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