i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
