why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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