You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
