Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I just forgot I was standing up.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
