I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
