I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
