so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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