I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
