Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
