I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Randomize
