Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
