My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
