One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Watching her eat just hurts me
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
