i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
How does it feel to date your dad?
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