I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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