My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
