Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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