Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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