Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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