i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
