Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
