Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
