i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
