Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
